Leftward Ho! A Libertarian Visionary’s Intrepid Transformation

Aspiring Political Powerhouse Matt Steiner Poses for a Scenic Shot at the Steiner Estate in Florida

Christopher Bowman
January 19, 2012
Filed under Opinion, Top Stories

After an impressively drawn out run as Berkshire School’s own extreme right-wing freedom buff, it appears that the Green and Gray’s own Matt Steiner has finally seen the light.  Not more than 4 months ago, a pair of keen eyes could spot Mr. Steiner idolizing Republican Presidential Candidate Ron Paul while overzealously scrutinizing the latest issue of The Economist. For those of us who have known Matt since the days of “Stallion,” such a dramatic transition in political views is harshly juxtaposed to his seemingly resolute convictions of American government. Admittedly, his registration as a member of the Democratic Party on his newly composed Facebook page led me to question the geometric structure of the political spectrum. Perhaps, like the giant floating rock on which we dwell, this classification system is circular, and Matt simply traveled so far East that he emerged in the West. As convenient as this explanation might appear, its likelihood is rivaled in magnitude by Rick Santorum’s respect for the homosexual community.

As such, further investigation of the events leading up to this flabbergasting phenomenon was required to uncover the clandestine truth. The first stop on the train to actuality was none other than the very subject of this enchanting exploration. Thus I proceeded to obtain a detailed commentary from Mr. Steiner himself.  His reply culminated with the following succinct statement:

“I have decided to transcend across the line dividing conservative political ideology and Democratic change. I think it was the hippies in San Francisco.”

Politics is a subject defined by compromise between multitudinous different angles of interpretation, and therefore it would be genuinely unjust to analyze this topic on the sole basis of Mr. Steiner’s own assessment. A noble effort to annihilate any potential bias in this piece led me to seek the opinion of Jack Lewers, Editor in Chief of the Green and Gray. Once a sworn opponent of Steiner’s economically conservative antics, Lewers has spent many a day ridiculing Steiner with hopes of achieving just the miracle we are now discussing.  Jack responded to my questioning with a heartily concise reply:

“This is a great victory for me.”

The exact cause of Matt Steiner’s migration to liberal land may never be unearthed from the archeological dig site of political turmoil, but as a die-hard Democrat myself I cannot complain. Perhaps an eye-opening event of fantastic proportions forced its way into Steiner’s busy schedule, or then again maybe he was simply due for a change of scenery. Either way, Mr. Steiner must have paid a small fortune for the removal of his Glenn Beck tattoo, and in doing so proved his newfound loyalty to the Democratic Party.  And thus the native hue of resolution is sicklied over with the pale cast of thought.

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